Fred Harty's Blog

Fred speaks Frankly

fredharty — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 05:13:52 +0000

Hiya, chums!

As you know, me and Jack have been rehearsing our socks off for our big Fringe Festival show, The Case of the Limping Platypus! We’re having a swell time learning all the tricks and trades of play acting but to be honest a few of the things we learned sort of shocked us. So I thought I’d warn you about some stuff ahead of time just in case you’ve never seen a real live play before.

For starters, play actors aren’t very good looking. Not in comparison to actors you see on TV or in the movies. I don’t mean they’re ugly or anything, just… average. Or maybe a hair below average. The only exception being Mr. Weinhagen and Mr. Scrimshaw. They look real bad. Sort of pale and sickly like Hobo Johnny that time Jack and me found him huffing spray paint on the catwalk of the Old Grain Belt Beer Sign. I guess it’s no wonder play actors don’t get paid much. Assuming they get paid at all!

Another thing is plays are really, really fake. Sometimes the sets are made out of cardboard and painted using ”artistic license” which is just a nice way of saying they don’t look like anything you’d see in the real world. Sometimes plays don’t even have sets. For example, in our show, we just have three big blocks. The actors rearrange them between scenes to trick the audience into thinking the characters are in a new location even though it’s obvious the actors just took one block away and tipped the other one on its side. I asked Mr. Weinhagen about this and he told me it was “the magic of theater”. Sounds a little shady to me. In one scene we’re supposed to be in a cave but instead of just changing the blocks around they dimmed the lights a little to make it more spooky. I thought that worked a lot better. It’s neat to look at plus it’s harder to see the actors’ faces which, like I said before, aren’t all that hot.

Tonight I have a stage combat rehearsal. That’s right, fighting in plays is fake too! At our last rehearsal I asked Mr. Scrimshaw why we couldn’t just hit each other for real. As offical amateur detectives, Jack and me get punched all the time. In the face, in the ear, kidneys, ribcage, even in the funny place we don’t talk about. It’s no big deal. Mr. Scrimshaw got real mad and started yelling about how he “can’t work like this!” Mr. Weinhagen had to take him outside for one of their talks and, well, that was pretty much the end of rehearsal.

Anyway, I hope you’ll all come see our show! I think you’ll really like it!

Sincerely,

Fred

Play Practice and Fireworks!

fredharty — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 04:50:22 +0000

Dear Chums,

Wow! Last night we had our first practice and boy did Jack and I learn a lot! For starters, we found out that real actors don’t call it practice, they call it “rehearsal”. I asked why that is and Mr. Roos (the nice fellow who plays the Platypus) put his hand on my shoulder and said, “Practice makes perfect, Fred– but rehearsal makes theater.” I’m not sure what that means but it sure sounds smart!

Anyway, we read through the whole play and man alive was it exciting! Mr. Scrimshaw and Mr. Weinhagen did a swell job writing down all the twists and turns of the case! Everything that happens in the play is exactly what happened in real life! But for some reason all the actors thought it was funny. Even the parts where Jack and I almost died. I won’t lie. It made me pretty sore. Jack too. He didn’t say anything but I could tell he was mad because his face turned almost as red as his sweater. But everybody just kept laughing. Then it hit me. It was nervous laughter! Being an official amateur detective I know a little something about psychology. Sometimes when a brain gets overloaded by action and adventure it gets confused and tells the body to laugh when it really means scream or cry or punch some guy in the face. I explained this to Jack and he agreed that it was the only thing that made any sense.

We don’t have another rehearsal again until tomorrow because today is the 4th of July. Jack and I plan to spend the evening setting off homemade firecrackers! Mom said it’s too dangerous but Dad told her to stop being such a Nervous Nelly. Mom has a point though. Firecrackers are dangerous. But that’s what freedom is all about. Danger! In America you can blow your hand off with a firecracker and that’s your right. Or your left, I guess. Depending on which hand you’re holding the firecracker in.

Whoa! The whole house just shook… and it looks like there’s a mushroom cloud hovering over the garage. Actually the smoke is pretty green so it’s more like a broccoli cloud. Maybe Jack started the fireworks without me… or maybe it’s the beginning of another mystery! Either way, I have a feeling it’s going to be one heck of a 4th!

Happy Birthday, America!

Sincerely,

Fred

Harty Boys on the stage!

fredharty — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 04:49:18 +0000

Hey, Chums-

I’ve got out of this orbit news!

A while back, Jack and I worked with our dad, Philmore Harty, to solve one of our toughest mysteries yet, The Case of the Limping Platypus. Anyone who’s followed dad’s career as a detective, and who hasn’t, knows about the Twin Cities most notorious art thief, The Platypus! Well, you don’t have to be an official amateur detective to figure out that The Case of the Limping Platypus involved, you guessed it, The Platypus! And you can imagine what an adventure it became!

I can’t give you any more details about the case because the big news is that our adventure with The Platypus is being turned into a real life play! They’re putting together a theater festival in Minneapolis and our mystery is going to be featured. The most amazing part is that Jack and I are going to play ourselves in the show!

I’ll be giving lots of updates about how they show our clue cracking on the stage and what it’s like to be under the footlights of the theater.

What an adventure!

Sincerely,

Fred

P.S. Did I mention adventure?

Certified Official Amateur Detectives!

fredharty — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 04:47:53 +0000

Howdy, Chums-

It’s Fred Harty here. I’m excited to announce that Jack and I are officially amateur detectives!

We got our certificates in the mail today making it official. We’ve been solving mysteries for a long time now as unofficial amateur detectives but now we can introduce ourselves to potential clients and suspects as official amateur detectives!

Jack and I have been giddy with anticipation since we saved up enough Edwards Brand Oatmeal box tops and mailed in our amateur detective examinations five weeks ago. We solved every case on the examination so we knew it was just a matter of waiting for our certifications and today is the big day!

I can’t wait for our next case when I get to call myself an official amateur detective!

Sincerely,

Fred Harty